Some processes guarantee growth, but the path of that growth cannot be predicted. It must take place. Life is such a process.
A few weeks ago I took ayahuasca for the fourth time. I boiled it down really small and it was a very short, but very intense trip. As I came up I had so much compassion. I wanted to go downtown in my pajamas barefoot and just scream it to people through my lungs. I always think I'll keep that feeling forever, like I'll want to hug total strangers and forgive them everything. But I come down and my pineal gland produces its more typical DMT output.
When I feel like that, when I have that access to Big Mind, I feel like I can do anything, and that nothing can hurt me. And I wonder, since mutations occur naturally, isn't it possible that some people just have overactive production of DMT in their own brains? I feel that's how Jesus and Buddha must have felt. I think you can do it "on the natch", since I've done it in dreams and it works.
A few days after that trip I ate way, way too much pot. More pot that I've ever eaten before. More than the night I ate too much and had to sit down across from Dolores Park for several hours around 2 in the morning while I waited for the effects to wear off. This time I couldn't even move. Garick baked it into a large cookie and told me to eat a quarter or half, and I ate it all. It was the most visual marijuana has ever been to me. But it wasn't just mj. It turned into a DMT flashback and I had the full-on effect on marijuana, which completely baffled me. But unlike ayahuasca, which has always been benign, this was a chthonic bardo that I thought I might not leave.
Apparently I did.