Mr. the Cutup (cutup) wrote,
Mr. the Cutup

Out of the Aeons

I'm in the process of trimming my possessions down like I've never done before.  The urgency's not here yet.  Right now people are moving out, changing rooms, going on trips.  I too will throw myself into uncertainty.  But not quite yet.  I gave the mirror in the corner of my room back to the girl it belonged to and now there's a white void where I used to see myself.

Some processes guarantee growth, but the path of that growth cannot be predicted.  It must take place.  Life is such a process.

A few weeks ago I took ayahuasca for the fourth time.  I boiled it down really small and it was a very short, but very intense trip.  As I came up I had so much compassion.  I wanted to go downtown in my pajamas barefoot and just scream it to people through my lungs.  I always think I'll keep that feeling forever, like I'll want to hug total strangers and forgive them everything.  But I come down and my pineal gland produces its more typical DMT output.

When I feel like that, when I have that access to Big Mind, I feel like I can do anything, and that nothing can hurt me.  And I wonder, since mutations occur naturally, isn't it possible that some people just have overactive production of DMT in their own brains?  I feel that's how Jesus and Buddha must have felt.  I think you can do it "on the natch", since I've done it in dreams and it works.

A few days after that trip I ate way, way too much pot.  More pot that I've ever eaten before.  More than the night I ate too much and had to sit down across from Dolores Park for several hours around 2 in the morning while I waited for the effects to wear off.  This time I couldn't even move.  Garick baked it into a large cookie and told me to eat a quarter or half, and I ate it all.  It was the most visual marijuana has ever been to me.  But it wasn't just mj.  It turned into a DMT flashback and I had the full-on effect on marijuana, which completely baffled me.  But unlike ayahuasca, which has always been benign, this was a chthonic bardo that I thought I might not leave.

Apparently I did.
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